Flitting

So now, daily, at work I feel simultaneously out of my depth, bored, frustrated and unmotivated. And I know this is entirely my own fault. I spend too much time in headphones, connected to virtual reality, thinking about all the things I should be doing (both professionally and personally) and not really doing any of them. Then I painfully overbook myself for all other hours of the day.

I’m not really sure if this is still coping mechanisms or what – there are parts of my current daily experience that is significantly improved; my relationships with people I hold dear have grown stronger, I have had piles of fun and significant experiences with a lot of very incredible people, I have grown more connected to many communities both real life and virtual. And somehow, all this connectivity and communication has made me only crave more.

It’s weird. I wish I could teleport, I wish I could share all the lovely people I know with each other, I wish I could gain even more experiences even faster. And I wish, somewhere in there, was some sort of financial support. I feel like I’m a composite of accumulation and am not sure what the output will be and even when I’m outputting it doesn’t feel like enough…or something. Something like that. I’m wondering if this feeling is a contemporary human condition. Perhaps everyone may feel similarly especially if life has recently wounded them significantly and shortly thereafter introduced them to shining and unexpected people of fun and merit. Maybe I’ll continue this thought sometime. Right now I am distractedly launching off in a different direction as an illustration of my condition.