fits and starts

Nothing is immediately or poignantly stirring me to continue to contribute to the blog-o-sphere except that if I want to comment on the lil bro's blog, I feel embarrassed to have nothing to show on my end. So. I will say these things:

Sitting in desk chairs for 9 hours of a day makes for a non-life.

I am ever-expanding (physically), unwilling to adjust my lifestyle choices to compensate and generally confused about the point of it all.

Moving beyond the physical: I guess I do understand the point of my workplace and I do align myself with missions and goals fairly easily (if I agree) and although I have aligned for the most part, it's still a struggle for relevance and respect. I have a sneaking suspicion that I could be highly successful in my chosen field but my professional processes and choices seem to make little impact. I don't know if that means I should try harder, or go back to school so I can return snottier.

Tonight is my first night of Bikram yoga. I am fairly excited because I think it's a nice thing to do for myself (versus cookies and beer, which are not nice things to do to myself) and because I am not a heat lover but I think this will help with my aversion. What with the climate in crisis, I should probably adapt to all climatic extremes. I guess this also means more tree climbing, swimming and snow-shoeing...and by more, I mean more than none.

I wonder: is the best thing to do is to ignore the state of things and try to achieve some level of success/positive impact in something no matter how insignificant and meaningless in the grander scheme of a few generations? OR should one continue to grasp for years, attempting to uncover some level of truth regarding "the state of things" no matter how shallow? And are these options opposites or the same with a slightly different tinge of perspective?

More to the point: if I want to executively direct an organization, does that mean I have to abuse my natural talent of asking people to give me shit to such an extreme that it ends up defining my character? Can one justify cultural social service when it's such an inversion of the hierarchy of needs?

And can you be partners with someone concerned with the true hierarchy when you are concerned with the hierarchy's frosting? I suppose the world needs and takes all kinds!